I hate toilets.
Actually, let me rephrase that. I hate working on toilets. I don't mind toilets themselves, and in fact, understand and appreciate their necessity in modern society. They serve an important purpose... I completely get that.
And you know, operationally, they're pretty simple devices. There's no magic involved at all, though it sometimes seems like it. They all work on very simple principles of gravity, bouyancy, and timing. I've worked on them enough times as a homeowner to understand the steps involved in having a successful flushing experience.
Let me add for the record that I especially like the toilets in our house. They are almost seventy years old, powerful, and in good condition. Though I am an environmentalist at heart, I have no interest whatsoever in the modern low-flow toilet. Give me that power. I want to be able to flush a small dog down my toilet. I want to be able to flush a load of bricks. Hey, you never know, right?
So one of the toilets here is acting up. The flapper doesn't seal the tank properly, and that causes a slow leak into the bowl. When the tank empties enough, the water kicks on for a few seconds and refills the tank. Depending on factors I've not yet determined, the refill interval is anywhere from four to twenty minutes... so basically the toilet runs for a few seconds, a few — or several — times an hour, all day long. This is a pretty recent problem, so it's not shown up on the water bill yet.
Here's the deal, though. The flapper itself is in very good shape, and when it's used by itself to seal the tank, everything works just like it's supposed to. When I say "by itself", I mean it's just sitting on top of the tank's drain hole — with nothing attached, including the chain and the American Standard "actuator" thing that looks like an old bug spray spritzer from the Roadrunner cartoons. So I know that's not the problem.
I really don't know what else it could be at this point. Is it slightly off center when the actuator and everything is connected? Are there gremlins in there jiggling the handle? Is someone hiding in my bathroom closet secretly filming an episode of This Old House?
I hate toilets.