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Quitting smoking, day 46

This isn't a milestone day or anything, but it's been one of the most severe days I've had in a long time. I think part of the reason is I know there's another step-down this week (from the 14 mg patch to the 7 mg), then it's just two weeks to go after that until I find out if I can do this solo with no crutches. I think another reason is the step-down from 21 mg to 14 mg took awhile to fully kick in, and I'm still adjusting to it.

Either way, this is definitely a downhill slide. It really feels like a descent, of sorts — something inside me appears to be collapsing. According to Jennifer Kern at the Mayo Clinic, that's not an unusual feeling. She describes the process as not only an external change, but an internal deconstruction and rebuilding. So although it kind of feels like I'm losing my mind, it's probably just part of the internal process she describes.

Here's an interesting thing I didn't expect. Most people gain weight when they quit smoking. I have actually lost three pounds. A few years ago, I went on a diet and lost thirty pounds. It was quite necessary, because when I started the diet, I weighed more than I'd ever weighed in my life. When I finished, I weighed about the same as I did when I started college. It took seven months, then I gained seventeen pounds back over the next year. So, another round of dieting which lasted another five months and knocked off eleven of those seventeen pounds. That was seven months ago, and I'm just a little above that now, and only ten pounds above my "starting college" weight.

Just for the record, the diet technique I used was The Hacker's Diet, developed by Autodesk founder John Walker. It's a no-nonsense scientific method with no gimmicks, absolutely nothing to buy, and it really does work. John invited me to beta-test the online versions of his computerized tools for this diet, but I declined, having already created some suitable tools on my own.

Anyway, the point is, I'm now pretty familiar with 1) what hunger feels like versus other sensations which feel similar, 2) my body's built-in weight setpoints, and 3) the dieting process in general and how it really works. Generally speaking, I'm much more aware of the weight gain and weight loss process, and I'm aware of the steps which lead one astray. I know I'm at a stable setpoint right now (or close enough to it that it's not going to take a lot of effort to stay there), and I'm keeping aware of what I eat. And, I know the habit of putting something in your mouth to make your brain's happy synapses fire off can be easily transferred from one medium to another, so it's something I'm paying careful attention to. Apparently that diligence is working.

You would think, given how many times I've tried to quit, that I'd be just as familiar with that process. But if you go through an internal rebuilding process each time you go through it, then each time you theoretically emerge a completely different person. That means it's going to be different every time. And that's probably what makes it so hard to do.

I'm keeping at it, though. And everything is going to be fine.

Posted November 15, 2009 @ 22:25:05 EST. 0 comments. Tags: quitting_smoking

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