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Changing gears?

Last night I dreamed I played out many of the various roles I've held in life so far. Some of these overlapped and some did not, some of them happened simultaneously and some happened at a distance from each other. The overall theme I picked up from it was this: These are the things you've been. What do you want to be next? When I woke (early!), my head was alight and buzzing, having absorbed above-normal levels of oxygen the last ten days (or more appropriately, newly-defined normal). After an hour or so, the dreamfog had lifted enough that I felt somewhat sane again.

With that, and the realist in me still keeping in mind the dream could merely be neural static, I wonder if I'm reaching a transition period in my life. So what could be next? This felt like a powerful dream, one of those with blinking arrows and "pay attention, dumbass" signs all over it. All the roles I remember were those focused on the external material world. Toward the end of the dream, those roles appeared to be merging into an apex of sorts and coming to a natural end.

I wonder if perhaps I should refocus my energy. Much of my attention now is upon things in the world, making stuff happen, just another cog in the machinery, and indeed, playing a role. I feel I have little choice in this; I feel it is a consequence of being a working stiff. Once upon a time, my mind was on life itself, the cycles of nature, feeling, being. That was much more fun. I felt more in tune, more in control, more at peace. I definitely don't feel that way now.

So... a scary thought comes to mind. Perhaps I should consider becoming a different kind of cog in a different kind of machine. That raises a whole other set of questions though, starting with the obvious one — what — and I'm nowhere close to those answers. I don't even know yet if that's what I'm supposed to glean here. But, that was the first thing that came to mind, and based on past experiences, that first guess is often correct. I also know if that is the right answer, it will become more and more obvious as time passes. So I guess we'll see....

Posted October 10, 2009 @ 23:53:39 EDT. 0 comments.