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Rebel yell

Ah, the days of teenage rebellion have struck a few days early.

Don't get me wrong. There's certainly a time and place for rebellion in general, and the teenage years are ripe with opportunity. I also understand it's fairly normal to start pushing the limits of your identity at that age. It's how you find out who you are. I was once told I'd reach a point where I'd realize the struggle for self-identity was for naught. At the time I scoffed at the notion. After all, I, too, was one of those teenagers who knew everything.

But yeah, it's true. It's a meaningless struggle. The reason, quite simply, is this: you are whoever you decide you are. The world has no preconceived notions whatsoever as far as that goes, and perhaps even more accurately, it really doesn't give a shit who you are. The only one to whom it is important is yourself. And since you are whoever you decide you are, just be whatever you decide, and have at it.

It's easy to say this upon reaching the other side of it. It's much harder to convey that knowledge to someone going through it.

There is a delicate balance between applying parental pressure and giving the room and freedom necessary for growth. There is a delicate balance between encouraging talent and knowing when to step in and intervene, like when expression of that talent starts interfering with responsibility. You don't want to completely repress the talent, but you do want to convey that there's a proper time and place for it. Even artists have to pay their bills.

I've come full circle, it seems. For years I thought my parents hated me and were angry, bitter people. I've decided they were probably just tired. And despite all, I turned out ok, for the most part. I will admit I'm new at this phase of parenting, and don't completely know what I'm doing yet. Mistakes will be made. It's going to be a learning process all the way around.

I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. But there is darkness in between, and I don't know how long the tunnel will be. Just keep chugging along. Sometimes that's the best we can do.

Posted September 23, 2009 @ 23:36:22 EDT. 3 comments.

Comments on "Rebel yell":

Do you find yourself using the classics? "My house, my rules," "If So & So jumped off a cliff, would you?" and "Because I said so!"

# Posted by Stephen Beckner on September 24, 2009 @ 08:45:02 EDT.

Those are timeless classics, for sure. "Because I said so" should suffice for most, I would think. I suspect you and I are facing similar plights - maybe we should compare notes from time to time and see what's working and what's not.

# Posted by Brad Mills on September 27, 2009 @ 09:02:54 EDT.

So far, I haven't found anything that works. I've thought about grounding until 18, but that means I'd be spending even more time cooped up with the grouch.

# Posted by Stephen Beckner on October 2, 2009 @ 14:56:34 EDT.

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