Weirdbook.org

A blog experiment by Brad Mills.

Tap tap tap... is this thing on?

For those still hanging around this uncrowded corner of cyberspace, here is a list of music I've been listening to over the last few months to get me through... whatever. Yes, a lazy bulleted list — but it's a classic and it works.

Heavy rotation

Here's the Animatrix — Beyond score.

Avenged Sevenfold is courtesy of Katie, with whom I've been swapping music a goodish bit of late since discovering our tastes are remarkably compatible. Dream Theater is another new discovery. Here's a rendition of their (apparently) huge hit, "Pull Me Under", performed by a group of kids with ages ranging from 11 to 18. The lead singer in this video, Miss Kala Scarpinski (age 11), fucking nails this song.

Now why was I not exposed to this album in 1992 when it was out?

Also

  • Alice In Chains, Jar of Flies
  • Eric Clapton, Slowhand
  • Heart's entire discography
  • Queensrÿche, Promised Land
  • The Time-Life AM Gold collection, 1972-1979

Also also

Speaking of things which work and don't, I'm trying to decide what to do with this blog. I've not updated it much lately, obviously, and am considering several options, including overhauling it or scrapping the damn thing. The way it has run over the last almost four years is slightly incompatible with the new life I'm adapting to, plus it's not like I have a shit-ton of readers here anyway. I may experiment a bit to see what sticks and what doesn't. But yeah, I'm still around. If you are still around too, thank you.

There's just one more thing

Sixteen tomato plants in the ground, an avocado tree sprouting in the windowsill, a shared plot of squash with the next-door neighbor, a full compost bin, two pots of lettuce on the front porch, and three and a half more bare plots out back waiting for seeds of some sort. There's a cold weekend in the forecast, but I'm hopeful that everything will survive, and that when summer arrives, I will eat well.

Adventures with the infinite gift card

This made for a fun adventure... for several weeks recently, I had in my possession a gift card with an apparent infinite balance.

A few caveats are in order here. First, this wasn't a Visa gift card or anything that extravagant, so it wasn't of use anywhere I chose. It was, in fact, for Dairy Queen. And second, "infinite balance" is also a bit misleading — the balance was only $10, but regardless of how many times I used it, the balance remained at $10. Regardless, for a guy who is separated and keeping an eye on money, I thought this could be a handy thing indeed. At worst, it meant free Blizzards — nothing wrong with that at all.

I came across this gift card while rummaging through the kitchen one day back in February. There were a few miscellaneous containers in the kitchen window — these were filled with stuff with no real home. Including, in this case, one Target gift card with a balance of zero dollars (to the trash with ye) and one Dairy Queen gift card with a balance of ten dollars. Well. "Hey kids, let's go to Dairy Queen." So off we went, and the card was used and zeroed out. The cashier gave it back to me sans balance (because it's reloadable if you choose), and I stuck it in my wallet absentmindedly, as I had quite a few absentminded days for a time there.

Flash forward a week or so, and there's the gift card in my wallet. Just to be sure, I found where you can check Dairy Queen gift card balances online and entered the magic number. And the balance was still ten dollars. "Well that's interesting," I thought, and treated myself and the eldest to Dairy Queen that evening. Same drill as before — cashier zeroes out the card, hands it back to me, and I stick it back in my wallet, much more aware this time of the potential.

I managed to repeat this at least a couple more times before the balance started dropping, and I'm sad to say this gravy train came to an end tonight as the balance actually disappeared off the card for good.

Meanwhile, while out and about recently, I found a gift card for Carmike Cinemas and picked it up. Turns out it has a balance of $15 on it. I guess sometimes the Universe just hands you gifts.

Shedding new light in the kitchen

Life is stumbling along here. I focus a lot of my attention at home on the kitchen: meal preparation, morning coffee ready to go the night before (and such small pots of coffee), continuous — almost obsessive — cleanup, and hopefully some decent variety in the meals. Thankfully the eldest has learned the joys of salad, so that's a staple item for the most part, and that way we're getting some vegetables in instead of the typical protein plus carbs plus fat cycle which drives America. I feel like I kind of futz through getting home-cooked meals prepared night after night — more a matter of coordinating the timing than gross incompetence — but it is coming easier with time; either that or I'm getting used to it.

Earlier this week I found myself out amongst the unwashed masses looking for some measuring spoons, of all things. There used to be a nice metal set and a shitty metal set in a drawer in the kitchen and I ended up with the shitty set. They work, but they are a few hundred years old and a little corroded or something in spots. So, I am now the proud owner of a new set of hard plastic measuring spoons from a local dollar store. The cost: you guessed it, one dollar (and six cents tax).

Dividing the kitchen stuff was an odd process. There were numerous things we had duplicates of so that was pretty straightforward. Like funnels. We had exactly two funnels, so there was one for each. Mind you, I have no idea why there were ever two funnels to begin with, but whatever. Then for other things, let's just say there was a very nice collection of cookware in the kitchen once upon a time, and while some of it is still there, enough of it disappeared that there are some notable absences... like the nice can opener with the magic "cut along the edge and not along the top" feature, and the huge 12-inch Pampered Chef pan. The latter has been replaced by a T-Fal counterpart — can't bring myself to replace the can opener yet because there's a working one here already, though it's not quite as nice.

And with that, an interesting discovery, or perhaps rediscovery.

In the world of physical objects, I tend toward the "make do and make it work" side of the coin more often than not. I guess a part of this is from growing up in Southern West Virginia — it's very much ingrained in the culture. And, I'm guessing some of it is how I was raised. My parents were raised in the post-war and post-Depression environment of the 1950s and 1960s where "making do and making it work" and "waste not want not" had quite literally been ways of life for years. They raised me the same way to a certain extent despite the wanton consumerism of the 1980s. They still have and use, in fact, some of the things they had and used when I was a kid. There's an old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook with a red and white checkered tablecloth pattern on it, for example, with pages worn out in the Thanksgiving turkey section and the cookie section. There's a little yellow plastic pencil holder and office organizer thing which screams 1976 and which I suspect was indeed purchased in the bicentennial era. Perhaps at a Ben Franklin for a handful of change.

While cleaning the kitchen floor Monday I accidentally jammed the mop handle into the kitchen light fixture, leaving a big hole in the plastic cover. Installing that fixture was one of the first things I did when we* moved into the house because its predecessor was complete junk, looked like ass, and ate lightbulbs every other week. After the replacement it became kind of a point of pride: I did this. Over the years the new one became old, developed cracks, and yellowed. It never became part of the kitchen overhaul for some reason, I'm not sure why... I guess because it still worked and I saw no real need. Technically the fixture still worked with a hole in the cover too, but this sounded a lot like Fate whispering in my ear that a lesson was unfolding for me if I'd open up just a little.

So, a quick trip to Lowe's for a replacement. The new fixture is a good bit sturdier and matches the kitchen of today. It also has sockets for three regular lightbulbs instead of the funky T4 sockets in the old one. The kitchen is a lot brighter as a result, and the pong-p-p-p-pong sound of the ballast kicking those old oddly-shaped lights on has disappeared. Turn the switch, the light is on. It is quiet, clean, and bright.

The old fixture is out at the curb this evening to be hauled away with the trash tomorrow. And I've wondered over the last few days if we ever discussed that fixture and whether or not it should be replaced. I honestly can't remember. But I'm sure that ancient part of me who grew up in a "waste not want not" household would have balked at the suggestion, and perhaps even did. I am not in that household any longer, haven't been for many years. This sounds like a pattern in myself I need to break.

As the saying goes, you can't take it with you.

The lady wore black

Katie told me last night there was a particular shirt she wanted to wear for Valentines Day, but it was dirty. I've been eyeing the laundry situation and trying to decide when to get that process started so I went ahead and did a few loads last night. My modus operandi of late — and actually, in general — is to do things a little bit at a time consistently. Large tasks are not nearly as daunting that way, whether they are household chores or matters of the heart and soul. Some recent outcomes of this at home are a continuously clean kitchen, a continuously clean bedroom, and perhaps at some level, a means to keep my mind occupied.

The shirt Katie wanted to wear is black and has a ribcage across the front surrounding a heart held together with stitches. She said in so many words that it summed up her feelings toward Valentines Day, and that she didn't feel like it was anything worth celebrating.

That's my girl. ♥

I told her it was completely fine to feel that way, and in fact, I would wear black too in support of her. I did the best I could with no black shirts (note to self: get a black dress shirt or two), and the two of us got in my car this morning as usual, she listening to Avenged Sevenfold, me listening to Queensrÿche (and I'll give you one guess on the song I picked — hint, despite how this pointless tale has gone thus far, "The Lady Wore Black" was not it).

At the very least... it seems I am in good company.

More than meets the eye

As I was getting ready to leave the house Saturday I saw a guy standing out in the road in front of the neighbor's house. He flagged me down and asked me if I could get him the number of the local trash collection service so they could haul off some stuff. A little background: the neighbors are splitting up (something in the air, apparently), so the house is currently vacant and there's a big pile of trash in front of it. The house is going on the market again in the very near future so this guy is taking care of the things which need to be done to make this happen.

So I talked to this guy a bit, and it turns out there was a lot of shit happening in that house I wasn't aware of... including heavy drug use (he reported finding a huge stash of hypodermic needles) and possible involvement in a fairly high-profile local criminal case. There have been numerous instances over the years where we've* heard the dad yelling and screaming over there, so naturally, on the surface, he appeared to be the villain. As it turns out, the person involved with the drugs and all the rest was actually the mother. The dad has gotten custody of the kids (minus one, who will soon be joining them) and moved to Virginia, and according to the guy I spoke with, is doing great now — "better than I've seen him in years," he said. "His migraines are gone, he's sleeping through the night, his muscle spasms have gone away."

How about that. I will concede that every story has multiple angles and sides to it, but this one surprised even me.

I got him the phone number he needed, we exchanged a little more conversation, and we wished each other best of luck in our respective endeavors.

In general right now, there seem to be forces in play peeling away layers of veneer and revealing whatever is underneath. It feels like a very destructive energy with numerous casualties. In reality I suppose it is more transformative than anything, with the consequences to develop as they will and their true nature to be revealed in due time... but it is difficult to try holding onto that thought as the world as it's been slowly disintegrates.

One giant leap

We told the kids. Katie took it very hard initially, which I think is a completely normal and expected reaction. It wasn't exactly easy for me either — even now, three weeks after the fact and despite understanding and rationalizing it mentally, it knocks me for a loop more often than not. I've read lots of material indicating full recovery will be a multiyear process... so yeah, that's just awesome. My burden to bear.

Andrew views it as a new adventure with a "Mom's house" and a "Dad's house" and things to do in one place and things to do in the other. He learned he's going to have a new bed in "Mom's house" and immediately said he wanted a waterbed. I couldn't help but laugh. I guess at some level he can't process what's going on completely, but for his sake, I really think that's for the best.

Katie also reached a point where she could laugh again. We all did, which — all things considered — is good. With the kids now in the loop the atmosphere has changed considerably. A lot of the pressure of secrecy is off. Since it's out in the open, we'll be able to get some of the hard work ahead done without trying to do it under cover of night and hoping the kids don't overhear since there's no longer anything to overhear.

I guess it went as well as could be expected. We were very explicit in letting them know this wasn't because of them, we were still their parents, that we each still loved them very much and always would, and that if there were any questions at all they could come to either one of us at any time. I think we handled it a hell of a lot better than many of these things probably go — fighting and screaming and madness and underhandedness and chaos. There's just no way you can effectively convey a loving message to your kids under those circumstances and have them believe it.

Katie's been listening to (and figuring out on the piano) Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon for the last few months. I'm guessing — and I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that at least for awhile, she will associate that album with this period in her life. If that guess is right, I hate that the greatest album in history will be stained, by this, for her.

And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon....